The EaglesSuck.com...Where not winning Super Bowls is a tradition (40 years and counting).

I’m struggling to get the article out early this week as I’m heading off to PA this afternoon for a little family time before heading out to State College for the big Saturday night game.

Lots to talk about this week – especially with the premier of Dancing With the Stars. Man, I love that show – and this season seems to be better than ever. This season started with the most contestants ever (13).

We have the youngest contestant ever in 18-year-old Cody Linley. To be honest, I never heard of this kid before, but evidently he plays a character named Jake Ryan on that Hannah Montana show. Jake Ryan? I have to tell you, that bothers me. Wasn’t Jake Ryan the name of the dude with the Porsche in 16 Candles? Seriously, they couldn’t come up with a different name for this guy’s character? Weak. Anyway, he’s pretty good, plus he’s dancing with the lovely Julianne – which is nice. Actually, I have to give the guy some props as he openly said he spends more time in practice thinking about how hot Julianne is than paying attention to what she’s teaching. Good for him!

We also have the oldest contestant ever in Cloris Leachman. If your first question is “Who the hell is Cloris Leachman?”, you’re not alone. She’s probably best known for her role on the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Don’t get me wrong, Cloris is a great lady who’s funny and seems very nice, but it is absolutely pathetic to have her on this show. She’s like a hundred years old (81 actually)! And it’s even more pathetic that she made it through this week without getting voted off. Granted for an 81-year-old, she dances great. But compared to the others…she stinks.

The worst part about this season is that Edyta got stuck with a stiff in Jeff Ross. You knew right away, he wasn’t going to stick around, and sure enough we only got to see Edyta dance once as he was the first to go.

Fortunately for us there is a lot of other talent in the field. And while we will miss Edyta, there is plenty more to look at…

Brooke Burke. Need I say more? Brook Burke has been hot for many years and is somehow actually hotter now that she’s a MILF. Best moment so far was when her partner Derek was trying to get her to keep her chest back in a hold and he kept telling her he didn’t want to feel her boobs on his chest. That had to be one of those “Did I ever think I would say that?” moments. I mean seriously, can you imagine any scenario where any straight guy would be telling Brook Burke to keep her boobs to herself? Only in ballroom dancing! Anyway, she’s very good and should be there until the end. One complaint…wardrobe. So far Brooke has worn long pants, and a long skirt. More skin Brooke!

Toni Braxton. I’ve always though she was hot, dating back to the days when her music was relevant. Remember that video where she wore that dress that had the sides cut out? Nice. She’d pretty good too and should go a long way.

Kim Kardashian. I always knew this show used the term “Stars” loosely when filling out the roster, but Kim Kardashian? Can you really be called a star just because you have a sex tape on the internet and the rest of your weirdo family is on a reality show? Well, according to the produces at ABC you can! Welcome Kim! She’s a pretty girl with lots of …well…assets. Unfortunately for her (and us) she doesn’t know how to move them (at least not on a dance floor). Her Mambo was sadly weak, and I think is a telling sign that she won’t be around long.

Misty May-Treanor. Technically Misty isn’t that hot. She’s built up a reputation mostly because she’s usually hot and sweaty in a bikini playing beach volleyball which makes her seem hotter than she really is. She’s ok, but actually looks worse with all the makeup on during the show. In any event, she has legs that are about 30 feet long and she’s a very good dancer. So we’ve got that going for us…which is nice.

Also hot is Kym Johnson who is Warren Sapp’s partner. The big guy is actually pretty good especially for a dude who still pushes 310. So hopefully they’ll be around for a while.

Moving on to the other contestants…

While not hot (unless you are gay I guess) Lance Bass is pretty good. Obviously he can dance from his boy band days, but he’s a little too hip-hop for Len. Nevertheless, he’ll be in it for a while.

Mo Greene (the sprinter, not the dude from The Godfather) is ok, but he won’t last.

Susan Lucci was hot for a long time, and still looks great for being… what, 62? She’s like Mo…pretty good but ultimately doesn’t have a realistic shot at winning.

The ladies at the office seemed to think Rocco Dispirito (he’s a chef if you didn’t know) was hot the other night. He’s a better dancer than Mo or Susan, but again, I don’t think he can compete for the title.

The other casualty from this week was Ted McGinley (best known as Jefferson on Married With Children). I think it’s total BS that he’s gone and Cloris is still there. Oh well, at least Cloris swears at the judges when she gets bad scores.

So the show is off to a good start and I think we’ll be in for quite a season.

PENN STATE
PSU has a huge game this weekend against #22 Illinois. Big Ten opener and the first real test of the season. If PSU wins in a blowout, we could be in for big things this season. Evans and Koroma will be back so that should help the Defense. White Out. Night Game. Should be a good time.

OK, I’ve got to wrap this up so quickly onto the picks this week…

VIKINGS @ Titans
PACKERS @ Bucs
Cards @ JETS
49ers @ SAINTS
BRONCOS @ Chiefs
JAGS @ Texans
Browns @ BENGALS
Falcons @ PANTHERS
BILLS @ Rams
CHARGERS @ Raiders
Skins @ COWBOYS
Eagles @ BEARS
Ravens @ STEELERS

WOW! I’m still recovering from that Dallas/eagles Monday Night thriller! Partly because I’m still recovering from a trip to the University of Tennessee this week (more on that in a minute), but mostly because it was such an awesome game.
I mean this one had everything didn’t it? Tons of big plays on offense, a special teams TD, and a defensive score. Plus the number of fantasy points, and the number of games won or lost because of this game – and more specifically because DeSean Jackson is a complete moron - really put this one over the top.
Actually Bill Simmons has a great article on Page 2 at espn.com this week talking about how this was the greatest fantasy game of all time. Interesting read…check it out if you haven’t already. Although my favorite part of the article is where Bill quotes his Philly friend Mike who said of McNabb, "As good as he is, no real Iggs fan really believes he will get us there, [but] at least he didn't puke on the field" in reaction to McNabb ultimately gagging the game away on the last drive.
Naturally that was the best part of the game…the eagles loss. And you know that was absolutely gut-wrenching for eagles fans. I’m sure wood-paneled basements across the Delaware Valley were bursting with good times when the eagles came back and took the lead early when they jumped on Romo’s inexplicable fumble. But of course the game ended with the same conclusion as every eagles season in the past 40+ years…in disappointment. Fantastic!
I actually watched this game from a college bar in Knoxville. UT is a good time folks. Fortunately I was there with a coworker who is a recent alum, so he was able to hook us up with a good crowd. I’ve always liked the South. Friendly people there, and the ladies are always sweet and dressed like ladies…which is nice. Penn State is the best, but I get the sense I would have liked going to UT also.
The drag was that I had a 6am flight out of Boston Monday morning, which means I was up at 4 to start a long day. But I rallied and managed to stay up for over 24 hours straight…not bad for an old married guy with a couple of kids. I can still hang, but it just hurts a whole lot more the next day. But we got to hang out with some pretty cool cats. Anyway, Knoxville…good times.
PENN STATE UPDATE
Speaking of good times, we’re now only 3 weeks from our annual dudes Penn State trip. This year we’re taking the show on the road to Madison. Should be an excellent adventure to say the least. We’ve got our usual group of guys who like to pretend they’re a lot younger than we really are for a couple of days.
But first the fam and I are heading down to PSU for the Big Ten opener against Illinois next weekend. Night game. White Out. Good Times. Looking forward to the trip too as it will be the first real road trip with the Sequoia, so we’ll stretch out and fire up the DVD.
Anyway, PSU started slow today against Temple, but turned it on. I still have no idea how good we really are..Syracuse lost to Northeastern today. Northeastern! So I’m not sure how great that 55-13 win was last week, but we should find out more next week.

THE PICKS
Well let’s hope this week in the NFL is even HALF as entertaining as last week. Seemed like every game last week came down to the end with TONS of great plays all around. Anyway, here we go…
CARDINALS @ Redskins
Dr Peter Benton and the Skins had a nice comeback win last week, but I think it was misleading. Campbell’s stats were WAY better than he actually played. On the other hand, the Cards looked like a real team last week. BTW, I was very pleased to have Boldin on my fantasy roster last week! I’ll take the Cards in this one.

Texans @ TITANS
Speaking of looking like a real football team..Vince Young going mental looks like the best thing that could have happened to Tennessee. Collins can get the job done – especially with that defense. BTW…Vince Young, Mike Vick, JaMarcus Russell, Daunte Culpepper, Tavaris Jackson – when is everyone going to get it that these great athlete type QB’s just don’t cut it in the NFL. I’m not saying…I’m just saying.

Bengals @ GIANTS
This seems like a classic trap game for the Giants. The Bengals have looked absolutely terrible so far and the Giants are cruising. I’m convinced this is a trap game, but I just can’t bring myself to take the Bengals. Every time I see the Giants, I can’t help but wonder if my buddy Mike from back home regrets converting from being a Giants fan to an eagles fan. For years back home, he was a die-hard Giants fan and openly hated the eagles. Then suddenly a few years ago he gives up and decides to root for the home team eagles. I just can’t help but wonder what was going though his head when the Giants closed out the upset over the Pats. BTW, the eagles didn’t make the playoffs last year. Anyway, I’m going with the Giants.

Dolphins @ PATS
The Bradyless Pats are not the team they once were, but if they’re good enough to beat the Jets, they can beat the Dolphins. Nice playcalling last week Jets! Idiots!

Panthers @ VIKINGS
The Panthers are playing well, but the Vikes NEED this one…badly. Well the Vikes are at home and they finally wised up and benched Jackson, so I’m going with them.

Bucs @ BEARS
Neither of these teams are really any good. I’ll take the home team I guess.

Raiders @ BILLS
To my buddy Scott who’s from Buffalo…I’m starting to “Billieve”! This team is good. Oakland is not.
ALERT******Is anyone watching this LSU/Auburn game? Fantastic. Most of the game was pretty dull, but this 4th quarter is unbelievable!

Chiefs @ FALCONSHave you seen the Chiefs run defense this season? START TURNER THIS WEEK! And take the Falcons in this game.

RAMS @ Seahawks
Both of these team are horrible. I’m only taking the Rams because have you seen the Seattle receiving corps? There is not a single person on this planet who knew all three of those guys before last Sunday. There’s probably very few outside of Seattle who do now!

LIONS @ 49ers
As hard as this may be to believe, I’m not yet sold on JT O’Sullivan.

Saints @ BRONCOS
With a healthy Colston, I’d take the Saints, but the Broncos just have too much firepower right now.

STEELERS @ eagles
I have to admit that the eagles looked good Monday night (of course they still lost), but the Steelers have been impressive so far also. I’ll take Pittsburg in a tight shootout.

Jags @ COLTS
The Colts got beat up last week, and the Jags need this game. But the Jags just haven’t shown anything yet, so I’m going with the Colts.

BROWNS @ Ravens
I think the Browns will come out of their funk this week and shock the Ravens at home.

COWBOYS @ Packers
Is it possible that this game could be even closer and better than the Monday Night game? Maybe. I’ll take my Boys.

Jets @ CHARGERS
San Diego is the best 0-2 team in the league. They won’t lose this week.

Hello Fans…I’m back! Yes this article is long overdue. At the very least it’s a week late since I’ll be making picks for week 2. What can I say…I’m a busy guy. If Martin paid me a little better, I might devote more time to my writing. In any event, it’s been a long offseason, and this year is underway, so I have a lot on my mind before I get to the picks.

COMEMORATING 9/11
Thursday marked seven years since this country was attacked by a bunch of smelly animals, who hate us for no other reason than they live in squalor and are too stupid to move out of the desert. Eff those bastards!

But more importantly, yesterday was a day for remembrance and reflection, and for honoring all those innocent people who lost their lives on that fateful day. The History Channel had some very moving programs on last night showing amateur footage of the day’s events. The footage was raw and powerful, and really conveyed the shock, disbelief, panic and horror, experienced by those close to the WTC that day.

Look at pictures and video from that day. Remember the faces of all those firemen who went into that building while everyone else poured out. Remember the sound of all of their transponders beeping constantly among the rubble that was the Twin Towers, as rescuers tried in vain to find their comrades (or anyone) alive. Remember all those who died – burned alive in their offices or sitting in a plane – whose only crimes were going to work that day. Remember their loved ones who have been left behind. Remember the feeling you had in your gut that day. Remember the footage of scumbags in shitholes like Palestine and Iran celebrating in the streets at our darkest hour.

You remember all that when you think about where you want this country to go. Think about that the next time you want to support some dumbass over-the-top politically correct measure that will accommodate people in this country who hate us. There is no live and let live with bugs. Think about how safe you want this country to be. Think about our leaders needing the balls to stand up and punch someone in the face if necessary in order to protect us.

You think about all that before you pull the lever on Election Day. Barack Hussein Obama, or John McCain…think about it.



Anyway, this column is supposed to be somewhat funny, so let’s move on to much lighter and WAY less important topics….

PENN STATE
My beloved Lions are off to a fast start. The offense looks great, and many people (including me) are wondering why the hell Morelli never got benched last year. Clark looks good, the O-Line is dominating, the wideouts are making plays, and Royster and Green look to be a devastating one-two punch at tailback.

The big concern is the D-Line. Two guys get kicked off the team in the offseason, and now Evans and Koroma get in trouble for having pot in their apartment. Plus my guy – Jerome Hayes, who was coming off an ACL suffered against Wisconsin last year – blew out his other ACL last week. Tough break for the kid, I wish him a speedy recovery. Jerome – love the motor and intensity man. Come back bigger, faster and stronger…not fatter like McNabb did.

Anyway, we Penn State fans have to temper our enthusiasm just a bit as so far we played Coastal Carolina – who is probably not as good as PSU’s scout team) and a decent, but mediocre Oregon State team. Things don’t get any tougher this week with a trip to Syracuse, who got destroyed by Big Ten doormat Northwestern in week 1, and lost by two TD’s to Akron last week.

A home date with lousy Temple should put us at 4-0 before we can really find out how good we are as Big Ten play opens at home against Juice Williams and the Fighting Illini (I’ll be in attendance).

So, I don’t know how good we really are, but I like what I see so far. This team has attitude and leadership – something lacking with Morelli at the helm the last two seasons.

TOM BRADY
I’m not won to be overly happy about someone getting hurt, but I am getting some satisfaction about Brady’s injury. Hey Bill – ever hear of Karma? No? Well a big pile of it just got shoved up your ass!

COWBOYS vs eagles
Well it’s only week two and already we have a huge match up. The stupid eagles versus the 5-time Super Bowl champion Dallas Cowboys….on Monday night no less!

I’m looking forward to the game. I’ll actually be down at the University of Tennessee on a recruiting trip, but I’ll find a good bar to watch the game. The eagles were impressive last week, although they were playing the Rams who are very likely the worst team in football. Nevertheless, McNabb – despite continuing to get fatter and fatter – looks to be fully recovered from his ACL injury suffered two years ago. Considering that group of receivers, throwing for over 300 yards is an accomplishment – even if it was against the pitiful Rams.

Meanwhile Dallas looked good against Cleveland. A pick by Romo while trying to force it to TO made the game closer than it appeared, but the Dallas offense seems to have hit the ground running this season. It looks like “Start your Cowboys” will be a common rule in Fantasy Football again this year. Of course I got screwed out of a second TD by Owens when the officials ruled him down at the one and didn’t review the play. Sure Barber got the TD on the next play, but he isn’t on my fantasy team.

Anyway, should be a good one. On the one hand I always like to see Dallas kick the crap out of the stupid eagles. On the other hand, a win by the eagles would fill their dumbass fans with hope for the season, only to be dashed AGAIN later in the year. “This is our year!” HA HA. I think it will be close, but Dallas is the pick.

Now on to the rest of the picks…

RAIDERS @ Chiefs
Russell is not yet ready for prime-time, but the Chiefs are terrible. They lost to the Brady-less Pats last week. I’ll take the Raiders

SAINTS @ Skins
I’m not crazy about the Saints with Colston hurt. But Bush seems to have found his groove again. Besides, Skins are still using that dude from Coming to America as their QB. Ain’t no way no Soul Glow user can lead an NFL team! Saints.

GIANTS @ Rams
The Rams are T E R R I B L E!

Colts @ Vikes
The Colts looked terrible the other night while losing to Kyle Orton and the Bears. I expect the Vikes D to really step it up this week. Minnesota is the pick.

Bills @ Jags
The Bills looked pretty good last week, although I think we’ll soon find that Seattle is not very good. Buffalo is an improving young team, but I just don’t see the Jags dropping two in a row to start the season. Take the Jags at home.

PACK @ Lions
This game might be closer than you expect. The Lions were dreadful against Atlanta last week, but I think they’ll improve some. However, the Pack will be too much for them as Aaron Rogers continues to establish himself as the new man in town.

NINERS @ Seahawks
I might be going out on a limb picking J.T. O’Sullivan on the road. But remind me again who the healthy receivers are in Seattle? Yeah, I’ll take San Fran.

Pats @ JETS
I know Cassel was ok last week. But that was Kansas City, and they were at home. The Jets will throw the kitchen sink at Cassel and make him look like his preseason self. There’s a reason he hasn’t started a game since high school.

Chargers @ BRONCOS
I’ll go with the home team in what I expect to be a tight game.

Dolphins @ CARDS
Arizona didn’t look half bad last week, and the Dolphins are still the Dolphins.

STEELERS @ Browns
I was tempted to pick Cleveland here, but I think they need one more week before they turn it on. Once Edwards gets up to speed, I think they’ll get going. On the other hand they could be this year’s “it” team that disappoints.

Ravens @ TEXANS
GAME POSTPONED DUETO DAMAGE TO THE STADIUM IN HOUSTON. The real question is how will this affect fantasy football?